If You’re Not Where You Thought You Would Be
“His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love." Psalm 147:10-11 (ESV)
I read a book recently about struggling with body image, and the author asked this question:
“Do you want to live free from shame?”
Immediately I took a picture of the quote and texted this to a friend: “I don’t know if I want to live free from shame? If I let go of shame, I feel like I have to accept the reality of who I am. But I don’t want to stay here. Because who I am isn’t who I thought I would be.”
Suddenly this wasn’t just about my struggles with my body. Being OK with myself physically just represented a deeper issue: I thought I would be someone else at this point in my life. The version of who I am is not the girl I thought I would be.
Maybe you’ve felt this too. By this age, you thought you’d have:
A better position in your career …
Or a thriving marriage …
Or a kid …
Or a house of your own …
Or a certain kind of body …
Or freedom from a certain sin struggle …
But you’re just not there yet. And you’re beginning to wonder if you will ever stop striving to get there.
I’ve felt this all too deeply. I am trying to become OK with who I am, not the idealized version of who I thought I would be at this point. And it's been messy. I have to choose to ask God what is true about me, and then I have to choose to believe Him.
Today’s key verses remind me of what the Lord longs to see in me:
“His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love” (Psalm 147:10-11).
God is not looking at our outward appearances or worldly definitions of “success.” He is looking at our hearts and how we see Him.
Do we fear Him? By “fear Him,” I mean: Do we trust that He is powerful and in control of our circumstances? Do we trust He is making us into the best version of ourselves? When we have to wrestle with our sins and imperfections, He does not expect us to figure everything out. He offers us an invitation to bring it to Him.
Do we put our hope in His steadfast love? His love does not change when we change. God’s love for us is not dependent on what we look like or how much we accomplish. He loves us simply because, when we are in Christ, we are His daughters.
One day I may be more comfortable with who I am, or maybe some part of me will continue to wrestle with my expectations for myself. But in the meantime, here’s what I’ll cling to: If God offers me grace for where I am today, I can offer it to myself too.
Can I offer the same grace to you? It's OK if who you are is not who you thought you would be. The woman God is forming you to be has more purpose than you can dare to dream. You can put your trust and hope in Him.
God, thank You for Your steadfast love for me. Even on the days I struggle to see myself the way You see me, help me to cling to the truth about who I am in Christ. I trust You have a better plan for my life than I ever could have myself. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
*The devotion was originally posts on Proverbs 31 Ministries Encouragement for Today.