Not My Will

So I’ve been hearing the same thing everywhere I go the last few weeks: not my will, but Yours be done (Luke 22:42).

Okay, I know what that means. It doesn’t take some profound theology to understand that I need to surrender my plans, my will, and my life to Jesus. Sure, it’s not easy to do that, we are humans so it’s almost not natural for us to be able to let go of control. So why am I writing this today?

I think there is a lot more to it than that.

We are supposed to lay our lives down with Jesus—why is that too costly for us?

All over the Bible it talks about how surrendering sets us free, it makes us free in Christ. But somehow, we think letting go is going to keep us from the happiness we desire. We want what we want and we don’t care what it takes to get it. Surrendering those things just seems way too costly.

What if the things we longed for most, the things we desire above anything, aren’t actually what is going to make us happy? What if by letting God be God we find out that on the other side is a fullness of joy that makes our wills seem small?

When we take that step of faith, the Lord gets a lot louder and a lot more real.

In my own life, I have boxed Him up and made Him a lot smaller than He really is. I easily convince myself that I know me best, that I can do it on my own. I do this to feel a sense of control over my own life, to try to accomplish my will.

I’ve learned over the last year that if I can let go of my EXTREMELY selfish will, God can move a lot more. The things that He has for me are much more than I can begin to imagine. Things I didn’t desire because I was so caught up in my sin are the things I desire most now, because they are things He desires. These things fill me in a way that the things I used to think satisfied me never will. When I can decrease myself, His desires increase in me more.

We have to walk on water in order to fully experience Him.

Thankfully, the cross floats and it’s the bridge that leads us to giving up our wills.

The hardest part for me has been not knowing what is next. I don’t have a plan and walking on water is great, but I can’t see three feet in front of me. Unfortunately, God doesn’t just shout His will out of the sky. (Trust me, I’ve been waiting for it for a while and it hasn’t happened yet.) In the mean time, while I wait I can do what His word says His will is:

I can love Him and other people wildly (Mark 12:30-31).

I can put others before I put myself (John 15:13).

I can have hope (Psalm 71:14).

I can share His goodness (Psalm 107).

I can walk on water and just trust Him (Matthew 14:29).

It’s in these things I can experience His love most.

Bottom line: as humans we long for eternity whether we realize it or not. Nothing in this life will ever satisfy us except Jesus: not our future jobs, not our future spouses, not our wills. But, on the other side of His will is heaven, our true home, and the only thing I can do now is follow Him until I get there.

Always, Meghan xo