Let's Talk About Sex

There were exactly 3 things I never wanted to write about on this blog and this was definitely one of them, so thanks God, for once again pushing my out of my comfort zone and making me do things I really don’t want to.  I do not want to post this.  But that’s not why you clicked on this link, I figured many of you would click on this because it had the word “sex” in the title. Mission accomplished.  So let’s skip around the awkwardness of this and just go for it.

I feel like I should start with a confession, and I am cringing and reluctant to type this out so bluntly: this is not coming from someone who has never had sex.

I could probably write many of blog posts (or honestly a book) about what I’ve learned from my experiences, but today I will just stick with the questions and things that have been coming to me lately.

God designed sex, and He designed it to be between two married people and He designed it to be good and that He made us to have those desires. But just because we were created with desires, does not make it an excuse to act on them.

Well, maybe there are some of you thinking, well I’m not having sex but I’m doing other stuff and it’s fine. I promise you I thought the same thing and it will not stay in that place for long. When we open that door, the next one is closer and easier to open. Having sex didn’t just randomly happen; there was a comfort level that got it there.

There are definitely some of you who are at a point where you really just don’t care. Maybe it’s because you think God’s grace will cover you later or you’ve just gone so far there’s no point in turning back now. Or maybe you think that if you marry the guy, your sin would cancel out so you are going to make it work no matter how dysfunctional your relationship becomes. I was there, and I will tell you God’s grace will cover it, but I am still in the midst of healing from it and I know that it’s going to cause issues in any future relationships I have.

There is a level of emotional intimacy that is too far before you’re married. Throw physical intimacy in it and you have yourself a recipe for disaster. We aren’t supposed to be fully dependent on our boyfriends or husbands, we are supposed to be fully dependent on God. Even sleeping in the same bed causes a physical intimacy that makes us too dependent. When we are that close to someone, our souls get tied. Which is what God designed it to be: “two becoming one.” Once that happens it is really hard to see things objectively and clearly in a relationship. You compromise and let things slide that you normally wouldn’t. You aren’t able to see when things are unhealthy and you can’t seem to get enough. Even the greatest of guys change when that level of intimacy is on the table. It’s hard (not impossible) to control it but I swear there is a switch that goes off and instead of working to love one another, we start to treat each other as objects we are entitled to.

To all my ladies with long-term boyfriends: just because you know you are going to marry them does not mean fooling around won’t have consequences in your future marriage. Ask any married person and I’m sure they will tell you.

Oh, and if your boyfriend is not a man pursuing the Lord could I just hug you and shake you and tell you in the most loving way to just stop.  Maybe he is a “Christian” or maybe you don’t think it’s going to be serious please, please, please just consider that this is a terrible idea.  If he is not solid in his faith and loving the Lord more than he loves you then you are on a slippery slope.  He may start out saying that he won’t pressure your boundaries but the closer you get and the more you grow to love and care about him, you will be tempted to go further and he will happily let you do so instead of honoring you and pumping the breaks.

Also, hate to be the bearer of more bad news, but it is almost impossible to go backwards with someone. I imagine this is why we go back to old flings or boyfriends like it was before. I can’t tell you how many times I tried to just throw up more boundaries and start over, but without God at the center, there was no way to stop with someone once you already been there.

I’m sure there are many of you on the other side of this screen thinking, well I don’t believe this because I sleep with whoever I want and I’m perfectly fine with that. But, are you really? If you take a deep look at your soul do you feel truly whole and satisfied by sex? Or are you just looking for a quick fix or something to temporarily fill you and when the feeling is gone you go looking again?

But my biggest question to everyone reading this is have you prayed about it? Chances are if you are struggling with this, or doing it, or thinking about it, you haven’t brought it to the Lord. I don’t blame you either because I didn’t. Did I like sex? Yes, let’s be honest if we didn’t like it, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But I knew it was wrong and I was ashamed to bring it to God. If it’s something that is hard to bring to God, it’s usually because it’s sin.

If your guy or sex or whatever line you are walking in isn’t bringing either of you closer to God, then it’s bringing you further.  There is no middle ground.  Growing closer to each other is great and all but if you aren’t pushing each other towards God then it’s not going to turn out the way you want it to.

This is the hardest post I’ve ever written because my heart and soul are honestly still hurting despite how far I’ve come. The Lord has been so faithful to release me from a lot of hurt and shame, but there are still pieces of me that are still very much so broken.

But our God is good y’all. He is. His love is really the only love than can satisfy our broken hearts and heal us. The love we are searching for in boys and sex is going to fill up for the moment but ultimately it leaves us empty. The love of Christ never leaves us empty.  He isn’t holding out on us, He is trying to protect our hearts because He cares if they get broken.

Always, Meghan XO